


Look Up To The Sky (Pray Before The Dawn)

by harrythe



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4216065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrythe/pseuds/harrythe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s in the deepest parts of the night, when he whispers her name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look Up To The Sky (Pray Before The Dawn)

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. Hello. Look at me writing more Joshaya. What a surprise. God I love them so much. Also, this takes place when Josh is about 20 maybe? Idk. He's in college, that's all that matters.

It’s in the deepest, darkest parts of the night when he’s sleeping, dreaming dreams of a flash of blonde hair, the quick upturn of pink lips, or the arching of perfectly groomed eyebrows. And then he’s gasping awake, and as he rubs the sleep from his eyes, he struggles to remember why he’s even awake at all. And if he feels an emptiness in his chest, before he drifts off back to sleep, well then he won’t think about it when he wakes up in the morning.

And if he sees blonde hair on his way to class, and his heart aches just a little bit, well than that’s nobody else’s business but his own.

And if he holds his breath every time he goes to visit his brother, though he knows she won’t be there, well then he at least stops himself from glancing around. And he ignores the looks he gets from his brother who doesn’t know enough, and yet probably knows too much. Because Cory may be clueless sometimes, but he’s there when it counts, and really, he couldn’t have asked for a better brother.

Maybe one day he’ll tell his brother everything, how sometimes he feels uncomfortable in his own skin as if there’s something missing. Or maybe he’ll tell him that some nights he can’t sleep, his thoughts racing, and he dreads the morning because it’s just another day without her.

It’s in the earliest parts of the morning, when night has finally fallen over the city, if only for a few hours, and the world is quiet, that Josh allows himself to think. He thinks of blonde hair, and a bright smile, and petite limbs, and his heart hurts. It’s like a physical ache in his chest, one that he hasn’t been able to shake, no matter how hard he tries. It’s impossible, and he shouldn’t want, but he does, and it’s killing him that he can’t have.

It’s in the deepest parts of the night, when he whispers her name.

And if one day he’ll go to her, metaphorical hat in hand, and tell her that he’s ready, well then it’s just a matter of waiting for that day. And he can only hope that she’ll be ready too.

When word comes that she’s dating someone, it’s like his body is doused in cold water. He can’t seem to breathe and though he’d once encouraged it, now that it’s happening, it’s like he’s drowning. Drowning under the knowledge that if he hadn’t been so stubborn, it might have been him going on that date tonight. And he curses himself, curses what has happened, and what could have been.

He goes to see his niece that night, and he finds her in her bay window, like she’s been waiting for him. Knowing Riley, she probably has. And she holds her uncle tight when a tear spills down his cheek, and never says what she’s probably thinking. And Josh looks up to his niece in that moment. Because she’s the kindest, strongest, and most loving person he knows. His niece is a special person, and he’ll protect her from the world as long as he can.

And if before he leaves, she whispers that he still has hope, well then that’s between the two of them.

And it’s on his walk home, that he misses the stars of home, when the world seemed infinite, and he seemed so small. He longs for the warm summer nights, spent in a tree house, surrounded by love, and endless possibilities. And he longs to take Maya there, to show her all the places that are special, and hold her hand as they lay in his backyard, and look at the stars. And the world will condense to just the two of them. And his heart aches at the knowledge of what could have been.

He wasn’t supposed to fall for her so hard.

So he dates around, a brunette here, a redhead there, and he tries to forget. And she becomes a distant dream, a ghost he’s determined to shake. And when he goes to a frat party, and someone offers him a shot, he downs it without a second thought. It takes away the memories, and so he takes another, and another.

And soon he can’t remember his own name, and it calms the ache in his chest.

His nights become a blur of parties, and his grades slip, and his brother would be disappointed. But he’s too far gone to care. Because at least this way he can forget.

He shouldn’t be surprised when Riley shows up at his door.

She takes the drink from his hands, and sets in on the end table, and there’s disappointment in her eyes, and he’s ashamed. She hands him a glass of water, and he dutifully drinks it, along with two aspirins that she hands him. Then she pushes him down onto his bed, and she sits down next to him.

He tells her that he just wanted to forget.

She murmurs that she knows.

They sit in the silence, while he sobers up, and then he offers to walk her home. They walk along the streets of New York, silence between them, while the city seems to pulse around them. And when they reach Riley’s door, she finally breaks the silence, thanking him, and wondering if he wants to come inside. Josh just shakes his head, and turns back around walking along the streets of New York, left alone to his thoughts. And for the first time, it feels peaceful.

Things get better after that.

He stops drinking all the time, and he gets his grades up, and life goes on. The ache in his chest eventually eases, and he’s able to go back out, and meet girls, and things begin to look up.

And then comes word that she broke up with her boyfriend, and he pretends like it doesn’t effect him. He keeps dating other girls, and holds onto the promise of the future, when they’re both ready.

He should have known that she wouldn’t follow his plans, and instead show up at his door a few weeks later.

She blames him for her breakup, and says that she can’t seem to get over him.

He mumbles something about inevitability and forever, and presses his lips against hers.

And the ache of loneliness in his chest fades away. And he finally sleeps through the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Review please? Maybe I'll write more like this.


End file.
